Author: Ben Coppersmith

a victimless crime. …except for the car. …and it’s owner.11/15/2009; 11:47; CMCA student is in station to report a blue 2003 VW Passat had its rear passenger side window cracked while parked on 9th street near Wohlford. Nothing was stolen.i find shouting to be the most effective way to get

Even graduate students lose bicycles 11/9/2009; 12:00; CUCA CGU student is in station to file a report for a stolen blue and silver bike. It was secured with a combination cable lock. leaving your bike unlocked: a bad idea, even at cmc 11/8/2009; 14:50; CMCAn unsecured blue Schwinn road bike

No softball field for drunk stags 11/1/2009; 12:06; CMC A staff member requests that an officer meet with her at the CMS softball field to file a vandalism report. Officer expresses concern and requests extra patrols from Saturday at noon to Sunday at noon. Looooook oooooout! 11/1/2009; 1:01; HMC A

No iPod, No Cry10/20/2009; 11:33; POMA student is in station to report that a black Nikon Coolpix digital camera, black Cannon digital camera, and a black 6G iPod have been stolen from their Mudd dorm room.Goodbye, Fair Beach Cruiser10/20/2009; 14:43; CMCA blue beach cruiser is reported stolen from the east

Tiny people can be trespassers, too!10.12.03; 21:01; POMA grounds keeper reports that a 2 – 3 inch hole was cut into the fence on the east side of Strehle track.Finders keepers; losers no longer have vital retina protection against uv-rays10.12.09; 11:35; CMCA CMC employee reports that his black Ray-Ban sunglasses

I mean, when you gotta steal a 100 foot vine, you gotta steal a 100 foot vine. 10/5/2009, 15:50, CUCAn employee of the chaplain’s office reports that a 100-foot-long vine, with attached fruits and grapes, was stolen from the east side of the McAlister center. Copper Thief on the Loose

Hipster ScumStrikes Again!10.4.09, 0:40, POMA white female adult, wearing a blue hoodie, reportedly steals a pack of cigarettes from the Coop Store. Estimated value: $6.66.That hipsterprobably just wanted a computer so she could listen to Animal Collective while smoking10.3.09, 18:57, PTZA student is in station to file a report for

But Locking my door would be soooo proletariat! 9.19.09 05:10 PZ A student reports that her friend’s silver MacBook Pro laptop has been stolen from an unsecured room. I suppose silver macbooks are the new unsecured bicycles… 9.25.09 13:14 CMC A silver MacBook Pro is reported stolen from an unsecured

Clean Sweep9.8.09, 14:15, CGUAn officer responds to CGU apartments to file a report for missing property. A student reports that two seven-foot brown polyester couches were stolen from a nearby lounge while a white van marked “Citrus Cleaning” was in the area.These are not the couches you’re looking for9.8.09, 17:42,