Ye Olde Student Life

March 1, 2016, may soon be remembered as a momentous day in American politics. It was the day Donald Trump rampaged gleefully through the Republican primaries and Hillary Clinton enjoyed a wave of victories on the Democratic side. But March 1, 1976, was a day of nearly-equal political consequence: Pomona College held its annual student government elections in the dining halls. Don’t believe that the Sagehen campaign of ’76 mattered? Read one candidate’s statement below—and check out some of the best candidate headshots from 40 years ago.

_x000D_
_x000D_

ASPC Elections – Feb. 26, 1976

_x000D_
_x000D_

Chuck Wolf (for President)

_x000D_
_x000D_

Having just talked to the reknown King of the Plate, Axel Borg, and the Prince of Character Disapprobation, Tom Glasheen, I have been well advised on the procedure of running in a gentleman’s campaign at Pomona College. Apparently in such a campaign no speeches are to be made, no bills are to be handed out, no tacky campaign messages are to be given, and most important of all, no campaign is to take place. Despite all of this, it was emphasized that everyone must have a gimmick.

_x000D_
_x000D_

For example, a recent presidential candidate at CMC was raised on a cross in front of Collin’s dining hall during dinner. After several minutes of rigid suspension and clamour chanting by an accompaniment of dancing withces, the candidate was lowered. He then walked into the dining hall, passing out complimentary nails. Not having the same self-image as Steve Marquardt, and not wanting to make God cross at me, I declare that I will not dare crucify my potential constituency with such an ostentatious display.

_x000D_
_x000D_

However, I can make the following campaign promises;

_x000D_
_x000D_

1. 50 percent grade inflation regardless of class attendance.

_x000D_
_x000D_

2. Entrance into any med-school of your choice.

_x000D_
_x000D_

3. Entrance into any law school of your choice.

_x000D_
_x000D_

4. Entrance into any choice of school.

_x000D_
_x000D_

5. 10 free coupons for any major surgery at Baxter Medical Center

_x000D_
_x000D_

6. 2 free passes to each student to watch SAGA create dinner in the fabulous Frary kitchen.

_x000D_
_x000D_

7. 10 new courses for pre-meds on the sex life of a single unciliolate Fram cell.

_x000D_
_x000D_

8. Free tuition

_x000D_
_x000D_

9. 47-29 month subscriptions to Oui magazine.

_x000D_
_x000D_

10. 1 gross of “WIN” buttons (or one gross “WIN” button).

_x000D_
_x000D_

11. A rededication of the “Thomas Holt Ward Memorial Bathroom” in Mudd-Blaisdell.

_x000D_
_x000D_

Hence, if you are eager to gain any of these benefits, vote for Chuck Wolf for ASPC Pres. (If you don’t desire or care, vote for him, anyway).

_x000D_

Facebook Comments

Leave a Reply