Myself: A Match Made in Heaven

The candlelight dances around my face and pours over the
curves of my shoulders. The glow flickers off my teeth and embraces
my lips as they curve into a joyful smile.

I brush my
bangs from my face and look up. My eyelashes flutter as my gaze travels the
room.

I
feel. I absorb every detail of the night, from the temperature to the movement of air
around me. 

Dinner
arrives. I appreciate the assortment of colors and textures the chef has created, knowing her art won’t last forever. I close my
eyes in contentment as my lips meet around my fork. 

This is
probably the best date I have ever been on. Everything feels so perfect, from
the atmosphere to the care I’m receiving. I’m being truly listened to. Every
feeling and thought is given importance and weight. I’m validated and significant.

What’s more, I have a feeling the night will not end here. I’m already itching to get back to my place to indulge
in more carnal pleasures.

I wish I had committed to this lifelong relationship a long time ago. While it undoubtedly requires a lot of time and effort, loving myself is
worth it.

While openly loving oneself is far from the most socially acceptable practice, recognizing its necessity has been life-changing. 

I know that when
I have a bad day or I am feeling down, I’ll be there
to give me the support that I need. I do love my friends and partners, but, in the end, I am the one who will always be there. 

I haven’t always felt this way. In fact, for the majority of my life, I struggled to feel valuable when I didn’t have someone to letting me know they felt that way.

Worse, I bought into societal messages portraying self-love or
self-esteem as narcissistic. I used to believe that ‘selfish’ was one of the
worst things a person could be.

These are
strange messages, considering that I am the only consistent thing in my life. If I don’t act in my own best interests, no one else will.

So yeah, I
take long walks and don’t bring along music. I enjoy the world around me, create an inner dialogue with myself and end up uncovering my true feelings and thoughts. 

I pick
flowers for myself and spend a good deal of time cooking delicious meals just
for me. When I’m having a hard time, I snuggle up in bed and treat
myself to whatever I want at that specific moment.

I used to
have a difficult time knowing what would make me feel better but almost everything has gotten easier now that I’ve started listening to me. 

I’ve been
able to maintain a greater sense of stability and independence now that I know that, no matter what,
I will always have myself as support. There will
always be someone who loves me and will work tirelessly to get me through moments of sadness or inadequacy. 

Further, loving myself has given me a reason
to work harder than I originally thought possible because I feel a greater
responsibility for my own happiness.

I’m also
getting used to being treated with kindness. In the past, I
have put up with a lot of crap that I didn’t deserve, from friends,
lovers and authorities. Whenever I put myself down, I sent a message that it was acceptable for other people to treat me accordingly.

Healthy treatment and respect have now become the standard
in all of my relationships. I feel better equipped to put my foot down when
someone hurts me or doesn’t treat me with consideration.

Through
dating myself, I’m beginning to learn what I need from all of my relationships.
It’s becoming easier for me to recognize how certain needs can be fulfilled.

Now, it takes a lot less effort to verbalize these needs. Rather than simply
feeling like I need attention from someone, I can ask them for something specific that will make me feel cared for, like a hug or a phone call.

Giving love has in turn become easier. I’ve learned the immense weight that small
gestures of love can carry and how they have the power to change my mindset for
a minute, a day or even a lifetime.

I’ve become
much more generous with the love that I give. Perhaps this is because I’m a bit more aware of the love and affection I need on a
daily basis and the impact a simple smile can have on a person’s life.

So tonight
my plan is to wine and dine me, dance with myself to music I love, screw myself to the point of exhaustion, and snuggle and caress me until I drift
peacefully to sleep.

            You’re Worth It,

            Connie
Lingus

‘Connie Lingus’ PZ ’16 is a psychology and sociology major. Her sexual orientation? Queer, kinky and polyamorous. 

 

Facebook Comments
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Advertisements
Advertisements