In my first year of college, my
heart was broken for the first time. I green-boxed copious amounts of french
fries back to my room, wore sweatpants and Birkenstocks to class (shudder),
and sent regrettable text messages to my ex late at night. However, during the tearful excursion home to get my stuff back from his house over winter break,
I was sitting on the edge of his bed when he sat down next me. I can’t remember
who scooted closer first, but one thing led to another, and we had sex. It
wasn’t like the sex we used to have—it was electric and exciting and
When I left that night, I suddenly didn’t feel so bad. Clearly, I
was still attractive to him, and in some way or another I was special to him.
My feelings of rejection were resolved, and there was some sort of secret power
in having sex that no one could know about. This continued for the duration of winter break, but then he started seeing someone new. Once again, I was crushed.
Clearly, we had been sleeping together for different reasons: He wanted to have
sex, and I was still in love.
Now, three years older and considerably more experienced and jaded, I wonder if ex sex is
still the same. If you are truly over someone, whatever that may mean, wouldn’t
it also mean that whatever pheromones originally drew you in were no longer
compatible with your desires? Is it possible to have sex with an ex that is
purely sexual and devoid of emotion?
I think my mistake freshman year was a lack of
proper communication, plus my naive desperation to keep my ex in my life. As a
second semester senior, however, my reasons for having sex in general have
changed, and exes around campus aren’t as connected to major relationships as
they are to hook-ups with strings attached. I like to think that I could sleep
with any of them, thoroughly enjoy it, and have no feelings about it one way or
another, but does the fact that I am still open to the idea of physical
intimacy with these former partners mean that I’m not “over” whatever
connection we once had?
semester comes to a close (yup, I said it), I have heard many of my friends
expressing the sentiment that anything goes—particularly with regard to
sleeping with exes who have been looking mighty fine lately. If you are in this
position, there are some questions you might want to ask yourself first.
No matter what happens, be
emotionally responsible, be safe, and enjoy yourself!