I believe that, like many other things in this world, virginity is a social construct. However, I like to tell people that I lost my virginity in a threesome simply because I find their reactions so delightful.
And, in the most objective sense, this statement is true. The first time I had sex, I was cramped in the trunk of a car with two of my friends just after midnight on the 4th of July. It was awesome.
After a celibate summer, I returned to college this semester only to be bombarded with endless talk of hookups, love triangles and messy situationships. I realized then that threesomes are exactly what the 5Cs need.
Though I fear reading this would make my philosophy professor quit her job, I find an apt application to threesomes in Aristotle’s conception of catharsis. In the philosophical sense, tragic catharsis is commonly understood as a purgation of emotional excess and a purification of tragic emotions. I would argue that threesomes function as a kind of sexual catharsis, purging its participants of sexual excess and restoring them to a purified sexual and emotional state.
It might seem counterintuitive to imagine that a threesome, which is in itself a kind of sexual excess, might purge said excess. But catharsis is ironic in this way. A tragedy arouses feelings of pity and fear, yet at the same time, it’s pleasurable to watch. In the same way, I believe that embracing the cathartic power of the threesome would purify Claremont’s atmosphere of its stifling sexual frustration.
To make my position clear, I return to my high school fateful threesome. I was a rising senior, and my two friends were in a semi-unserious relationship the summer before they started college. At their own request, I will refer to them as Le Freak (girl) and Le Nasty (boy).
Le Freak is bi but had never kissed a girl before, and I, being the unfortunate lesbian that I am, had to do something about that. It was a brief kiss, but we wanted more, so we stumbled upstairs to wake the sleeping Le Nasty and ask his permission to make out. But Le Nasty’s “yes” was accompanied by the suggestion that all three of us go out to his car.
“Reader challenge of the week: Have a threesome.”
I remember little of the pilgrimage to the driveway, but forever imprinted in my mind is the image of my reflection in the bathroom mirror as I judged my sobriety and decided, “Yeah, I’m gonna do this.”
The threesome was cathartic for all of us in varying ways. Despite being drunk and at my most sexually excessive moment, it was in the back of his car that I first internalized, “I am a lesbian,” because trust, I wanted nothing to do with Le Nasty’s … le nasty. I also realized that, while sex is fun, it’s not the end-all be-all of intimacy that I had previously imagined.
Our threesome was cathartic from Le Freak’s perspective because she got to have sex with a girl without prematurely ending her relationship with Le Nasty. As for Le Nasty, he could have had a threesome with a girl who actually likes men, but he nominated me, which I deem an excellent display of restraint and sexual purity!
Given my awesome and cathartic threesome experience, I see a promising future for casual polyamory at the 5Cs. It is the answer to every complaint: “Villanelle, I like this girl, but I want to give guys a try.” Have a threesome. “Villanelle, I’m not over my ex, but I’m kind of seeing someone new.” Have a threesome. “Villanelle, I don’t know whether I should go for this girl or her roommate.” HAVE. A. THREESOME.
Sex doesn’t have to be that serious if you don’t want it to be, and a threesome is a beautiful and hilarious way to express that. Regardless of whether it’s the best sex of your life (it probably won’t be) or a downright disaster, having sex with two people at the same time basically cancels out … so it doesn’t matter! It’s purifying, it’s liberating and above all it’s cathartic.
Reader challenge of the week: Have a threesome.
Villanelle is an associate professor at the Claremont Colleges in the Department of Sexual Education. Her research is on the validity of the so-called “masc shortage.” She is hoping to get tenure by devoting herself to her research, conducting cross-campus interviews and having lots of sex.
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