The weather is getting cooler, the days are getting darker and the semester is racing to an end. I am honestly so tired, both physically and emotionally.
While in past semesters I would go months constantly eating in the dining halls with my friends without greenboxing — the act of taking meals in a reusable to-go box — this semester, and especially the last month, has been different. In order to give myself space to sit with my thoughts and feelings, I’ve found myself greenboxing more.
It’s become a rather calming ritual: greenboxing from Frary in the mornings and then sitting cross-legged on the floor of my room, nibbling on a bagel and sipping a triple shot cappuccino.
As I eat, the only sounds around me come from the steady whirring of the ceiling fan and the occasional early riser walking outside of my window. Though it may look funny, sitting on the floor is rather intentional on my part. I need to physically remove myself from my desk, even if I’m only a couple feet away, in order to avoid the temptation to work while eating.
For 20 or so minutes before I begin the rest of my day, I can just sit and eat in silence. I throw my phone on my bed, too, so that it is out of sight.
I didn’t realize how much I needed this time until I started greenboxing in the mornings. Granted, I’ve spent time alone in my room before, but always while doing something — whether that be studying, reading for class or planning club activities.
Throughout my last three years in college, I’ve never really given myself the time and space to just sit in the web of my feelings. I’ve felt so many things, especially as of late — shock, confusion, anger — at what’s been happening in the 5Cs, the country and the world at large.
It feels weird to just continue with my normal routine. Lately there have been many days where I’ve just felt off. Speaking to my other friends, they feel similarly weighed down by thoughts and feelings, yet the demands of school and life here keep coming.
What do we do with this? How are we supposed to trudge through the rest of the semester?
That is why I have been particularly grateful for my greenboxed breakfasts this last month. As I sit in the quiet of my room, I can grapple with my own thoughts. I can let whatever I’m feeling that morning wash over me without getting distracted by people chatting away or typing furiously on their laptops.
This time with my bagel (or sometimes yogurt and granola) and cappuccino has become my time to sit, breathe and think.
“What do we do with this? How are we supposed to trudge through the rest of the semester?”
It wouldn’t really be right to say that this time alone energizes me. I still go about my day feeling tired, and the heaviness from everything going on still lingers. But it’s comforting to know that I don’t have to ignore these feelings — that at least each morning, in the presence of my breakfast, I can dwell freely in the confusion and the anger. And that my triple shot cappuccino can give me the caffeinated boost I need to meet with people, go to class and accomplish the tasks of the day.
I’m still working through how to give myself time and space to think and feel these things more consistently, because what I am not trying to say is that thinking through anger and frustration is to be confined to a set meal time each day. The ritual of greenboxing breakfast has simply helped me get through the recent tumultuous weeks of the semester, and I believe that it will also get me through the rest.
So if you, too, are feeling tired, heavy, are hurting or confused, I encourage you to find ways to hold more space for yourself in the remaining weeks of the semester. Maybe that looks like greenboxing a meal here and there, sitting on your floor and just eating in pensive silence. Maybe it looks like something else.
Whatever it is, everyone please take care of yourselves in this last stretch of the fall! If you’re at Frary in the mornings, say hello. I’ll be by the espresso machine filling up my to-go cup.
Emily Kim PO ’25 is from Irvine, California. Her favorite cough drop is the Ricola lemon mint flavor even though they do nothing to assuage her persistent, pesky cough.
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