Just before the first time I had sex in someone else’s dorm room, I was
hanging out with some friends when I received a text message that read, “hey. do
you want to come over and watch a movie?” We all know what that means. I texted
my roommate telling her not to worry if I didn’t come back that night, and made
the 30-second journey to his room, conveniently located literally down the hall.
Hooking up in a dorm
room introduced me to a whole new world of etiquette that I had never before considered in my sex life. Music was necessary
to cover up the sounds of moans and an old squeaky mattress, but not too loud
or the neighbors might hear and complain. Positions were limited, unless we wanted to move to the floor, which was covered in rough carpeting (ow) and had probably never been vacuumed. Spooning was the only option for post-sex cuddles due to the narrow bed frame. Phones were set to loud, just in case his roommate needed to come back for something. When we were finished, I had no idea if I should
sleep over or leave. If I left that night I
would avoid both the walk of shame (or as I like to call it, the walk of victory) and inconveniencing his roommate, but he asked me to stay, and, in the hopes
of round two, I slept over.
This all goes to show that getting down in dorms comes with its own seriously specific rules and regulations. Here’s a guide of some things to think about before, during, and after so as to enjoy yourself and avoid being that couple down the hall.
Try a New Position
While the size and height of dorm beds make many positions
difficult, having one partner stand on the ground while the other lies near the
edge of the bed is great for both penetration and oral. If you have a vagina,
this is a really great position for direct G-spot stimulation (whether this is
achieved with a toy, fingers, or a penis), along with full access to the clitoris.
Don’t Be That Noisy Neighbor
As a participant in dorm sex, it is important to remember
that sound travels, especially between the thin walls of old buildings and out
of windows into public spaces. While you may not care if everyone and their
mom knows what your orgasms sound like, respecting your living environment also
means respecting those around you. Some of us have certainly experienced the neighbor who can be
heard moaning at awkward hours or the suitemate who blasts their
sex playlist while you’re trying to sleep. Of course, sex will always make
sounds no matter how hard you try to be quiet. Being mindful of
your volume level or closing your window while getting it on are good ways to
make sure you aren’t disturbing the neighbors.
When it comes to sexiling your roommate, be courteous. Eleven p.m. on a Wednesday, when you know that your roommate has class the next morning
at 8 a.m,. is probably not a good time to ask for the room. This can be terrible for roomie dynamics, unless you’ve had a prior conversation
about it. Sexy sleepovers are a lot of fun, but are also not necessary every
time. Three hours is plenty of time for a conversation, foreplay, doing the
dirty, and cuddles if you’re into that. If you have sexiled your roommate a lot
recently, it might be best to go to your partner’s place instead.
Be Wary of Close Quarters
Speaking from personal experience, I highly recommend that you don’t sleep with someone who lives in your hall if you are an even remotely awkward person. Running into someone you had
a casual sexual encounter with at brunch the next day is bad enough, and seeing
them on a daily basis can be weird, especially when you can see other people
they may be sleeping with leaving their room in the morning. Making that walk through the halls that
night or the next morning can be uncomfortable, but I like to tell myself that it
is a walk of fame, not a walk of shame. If you are confident in your sexual
decisions, you should be proud; just beware of who you might run into if you’re just walking a few feet back to your room.
Sex in the dorms, no matter how great, is always destined to be a
little bit awkward. As always, be safe and respectful to your partner, yourself,
and those around you.
Got a sexy suggestion for my next column? Need some advice? E-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org