Dearest readers,

After a semester of sex frustrations, partner miscommunications, and hopefully some pretty decent orgasms, we have arrived at our last issue. I want to take a minute to thank you all for reading this column and for sending in your questions. I’ve enjoyed learning more about the collective sex life of the 5Cs and giving you my (hopefully somewhat useful) opinion. I hope your sex problems have sorted themselves out, and, regardless, I encourage you all to keep practicing sex whenever (and wherever) possible.

So, then, what should I write about in my last column? As some of us move toward graduation and the real world and others of us move toward another summer of non-Claremont flings, I figure now is as good a time as any to impart to you all my very eloquent life motto: Life’s too short for bullshit. This goes for all aspects of life, but especially sex and romance. Sometimes, we all need to take a moment to step back and remind ourselves that life’s too short to put up with our own unnecessary drama or anyone else’s.

Usually, this boils down to remembering to respect yourself. It’s easy to forget this simple rule. Often, we end up in relationships or other romantically involved situations in which we aren’t getting the respect we deserve and then forget the basic level of respect to which we are entitled. We settle for less-than-ideal because it’s “the best we can get” or “better than nothing.” We are afraid of losing disrespectful, inconsiderate partners because of—gasp—the fear of being single.

But Claremont—this is wrong! As the semester comes to an end, I implore all of you to take a moment and evaluate your love lives. Chances are, you’re in a completely fulfilling relationship with one partner or multiple partners, as the case may be. But if you are less than satisfied and considering staying in the relationship, do one of two things. First, communicate to your partner what could be going better—whatever problems you have are probably easily fixable as long as you bring them up before they metastasize into something worse. But if opening the lines of communication doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to start ridin’ solo.

Maybe I, the eternal single, am only giving this advice because I have yet to experience the joys and wonders of a “happily ever after.” Unfortunately, what’s worse than being single is that we often have to force happily-ever-afters in places where they weren’t meant to exist. To use an example from my own turbulent love life, this semester, I pursued a fling that was past its expiration date. I ignored all the problems that came up, because I was so determined to make something last that wasn’t meant to be. Frustrating as this experience was, it served to remind me what I knew all along: Life’s too short. (And, just in case anyone was concerned, I found several less serious flings to last me the rest of the semester, so it really does all work out!)

I’m not trying to be a homewrecker; if you’re in a happy, fulfilling relationship and haven’t had doubts until you read my article (which would probably be giving the persuasiveness of my column too much credit), then don’t change anything. I’m sure you’re fine. However, if you’re unsure about the integrity of your relationship, and you’re clinging on only because you’re scared about the alternative, that isn’t a good enough reason to stay in a relationship. More importantly, if you’re mostly scared about letting go because you’ll lose consistent sex, just remember that that’s why God invented masturbating and porn.

You can only be happy in a relationship when you feel happy by yourself. So if you’re in an unhappy relationship, take some “you time.” Go for a walk on the single side, and, I promise, you will have a good time. As corny as this sounds, we’re still young, and we need plenty of time to explore and discover. If you can make this journey on a two-person bicycle, go for it. But chances are, if you’re feeling sad, you might need to do some self-discovery on your own. And, ultimately, no matter what kind of relationship you end up in—marriage, life-partner, or, as I am considering, one with a platonic best friend and lots of cats—this solo time will be oh so worth it.

Thanks again for a semester of love, support, and sex.

Happily Horny,

Tippy Maple

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