Sex Column: Bottoms Up!

“Hell no!” “Nah, that’s gross.” “I have another hole for that.” “Doing that will make me dirty.” “It hurts too much.” “I’ll get an infection!”

These are just some of the things I’ve heard when I have brought up the topic of anal sex in a group of peers. There seems to be a wee bit of a negative rapport when it comes to playing in someone’s backyard. I feel it is time we unclench a bit and take a quick look at what lies beyond the back door.

Let me begin by saying this: anal sex is NOT just for homosexual men. For some bizarre reason, there is a nasty rumor going around that anal sex is just for gay men since they have no other hole to penetrate. This rumor couldn’t be further from the truth. If this were true, then why do we all have anuses? Okay, obviously we all have to poop. But if we all weren’t supposed to have anal sex, why would the anus have over half of the nerve endings in the pelvic region?

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That’s right: if we didn’t take advantage of all of those nerve endings, we’d be damn fools! The rectum shares a wall with the vagina, which means that anal sex can be extremely pleasurable for female-bodied individuals. For male-bodied individuals, the pleasure from anal sex is centered at the prostate. The prostate has multiple nerve endings, and when a partner hits that sweet spot, you’ll be screaming for more.

Anal sex can feel amazing. With all those nerve endings, it is just a matter of stimulating them in a way that unleashes saucy sensations.

Before we dive into backyard play, we must be sure the yard is squeaky clean. It is important to be sure that you have evacuated your rectum within four hours of beginning anal play. This ensures maximum comfort and eliminates the risk of a messy situation. Furthermore, it is extremely important to ensure your anus and rectum are clean. A great way to do this is with pre-moistened wipes. They clean a lot better than normal toilet paper. However, do NOT insert the wipe into your rectum. This can cause a lot of damage to your rectum walls that results in irritation. Another way to ensure your back door is clean is taking a shower right beforehand. One can take advantage of the warm water and insert a finger into their anal canal to ensure it is clean. However, never use soap, and try to avoid enemas at all costs to clean your rectum. Using soap and enemas can lead to nasty irritation that will disrupt the mucous lining of your rectal canal. Even when using your finger and warm water, it is important to give yourself some time (about an hour) for your rectum to re-line itself with mucus.

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After you are squeaky clean, it is important to remember that you have to warm it up before you bring all the boys, girls or gender queer partners to the [back]yard. Start off with nail-trimmed fingers. Use silicone-based lube (it is the best for anal sex) to finger your partner. Start by massaging the anus itself. Once your partner has grown accustomed to this, insert one finger, increasing to two or three at your partner’s discretion. Like any sexual act, communication is key here. After fingering, another great step before penetrative sex is anilingus, or oral sex on the anus. I know this may seem a bit unsanitary; however, with proper self-cleaning this should not be an issue. Using one’s tongue on the anus can feel great! It is warm, lubricated and gentle: if that doesn’t get those nerve endings going on a good one, nothing will.

When it comes to penetrating anal sex, there is one thing one must remember: there is no such thing as too much lube. Because the anus is not naturally lubricating, it is prudent to use plenty of lube. Once you are lubed up and ready to go, it is important to go slow and make sure both people involved are relaxed. Because of the curvature of the rectum, it is important to make some adjustments to “traditional” sex positions. For example, a great entry position is a modified version of the missionary position, where the receiving partner is propped on a pillow and their legs are on the giving partner’s shoulders. Another great position to try is where the receiving partner is on top: from this position, the receiving partner can control the intensity of penetration. Another possibility is spooning, since giving partners can run their hands all over their partner, making the experience absolutely delicious for their partner.

So before you say no to anal sex, give it a few tries. It can take a few tries to get it right, but with enough communication, lube and relaxation, one can make anal sex a part of a great sexual repertoire.

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