Sex Column: No Lights, No Camera, Plenty of Action

It’s salacious. It’s plastic. It’s fake. It’s full of oil,
glitter and approximately 23 pounds of M.A.C. foundation. No, I am not talking
about JWoww’s sweater puppies. That’s right my lovelies. The time has finally
come to talk about the one thing on this planet that is more provocative than
this bodacious guidette’s bust. It’s time to talk about porn.

Let’s get
one thing straight (no pun intended): porn is a huge misrepresentation of real
sex. You have a better chance at seeing someone fly on a broom fighting dementors than finding an ounce of truth in porn. Granted, porn has the basic
idea of sex down: stick part A into part B and repeat. However, porn has taken
this basic theme and just screwed things up. Literally. Let’s start with the
actors. This demographic has so much plastic in them that Tupperware is jealous.
Their bodies have been strategically sculpted to resemble our supposed sexual
fantasies. Furthermore, what is not plastic is probably painted on. Those
delicious abs? Lick them, and you might just get a mouth full of paint. That
glistening booty? McDonald’s is jealous of all the grease on those buns.

addition, the sex in porn couldn’t be further from the truth. It is full of
humongous genitals, screaming orgasms and bed- and back-breaking acrobatics. By
no means should you hold yourself to these standards. Is Kama Sutra not your
thing? Don’t sweat it. There are tons of people (myself included) who frankly are
not that flexible. Do you not scream like somebody is killing you every time
you climax? It’s all good. Your hall mates probably appreciate that anyway.

As you can
see, porn has a horrible way of blowing things way out of proportion. Unfortunately,
when we flip through a magazine or click through websites, we get the terrible misconception that we must be like the people we see in porn. That is
not true. Remember the fundamental difference between the sex of porn stars and
the sex of normal people: WE DO IT FOR FUN. We don’t need glamorous genitals or
non-existent gag reflexes to enjoy sex. Porn stars get paid to get laid. There
are multiple takes, makeup touchups and directors involved. Would you like
someone yelling, “Cut!” every time you accidentally bumped heads with your
partner(s)? I know I wouldn’t.

heralding major misconceptions, porn isn’t all bad. I mean, let’s admit it:
porn is hot. Yeah, their bodies are fake, but when did a little eye candy hurt
anybody? With all the reading we do in college, we have to give our eyes some
sort of reward, right? And by no means is porn just for guys. People of all
genders enjoy porn on a regular basis. On top of that, porn is not only for the
lonely. It can be a great supplement for partners during their sexual
encounters. Porn can provide another source of stimulation as well as a
plethora of ideas to try amongst yourselves. Furthermore, porn comes in many
fabulous flavors. There is something tasty for everyone to enjoy. So go on.
Google search something saucy. Go on that scandalous website. Enjoy the lovely
view. Just don’t let them convince you that their sex is any better than yours.
Trust me, we all have the necessary tools we need to have great sex. Believe it
or not, even with no lights and no cameras, we can still get plenty of action.

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