Dear Pomona College,
It has been an honor to write security briefs for you each week for the past four years. Although you plague my life with bike thefts, hundreds it seems (actually 2.7/week on average), it has been a pleasure to journey with you through your frustration with campus life, loud drunken parties, pool intrusions, and copious marijuana smoking. Many of you have approached me through the years about the briefs you were involved in, and like I told you at the time, your brief was especially meaningful to me. And yes, I have written about myself on three occasions. I’ll leave you now with a collection of my favorite briefs from the last four years, you know, your typical “Top 11.” Keep up the mayhem, Pomona College, and good luck to my successor.
11. That’s one way to get her attention
A student reports that an intoxicated male grabbed her and dangled her over a balcony. She also reports previous assaults on her by this student. The incident is reported to the deans, but no report is filed with CPD.
10. Twenty bushes mauled…girls escape unscathed.
A student from a different campus reports that she and her friends are being chased by a man in a truck who is currently driving over bushes near a parking lot to get to them. Officers respond, but the truck had already driven away. CPD is called.
9. Soapy water is mad alcoholic.
A faculty resident reports that she has been denied access to a laundry room because students inside are having a drinking party. An RA responds and breaks up the party.
8. Small LIBERAL Arts College
An employee reports two females throwing things off the roof of an arts building. They claim to have permission from a professor. This is checked, and it turns out to be true. The professor is informed of policy.
An officer reports finding an off-campus adult fire dancer doing a routine in front of one of the dorms. She is asked to put out the fire and to leave campus.
6. Just read, enough said.
An RA finds a naked man lying on the couch in a common room. The man was extremely intoxicated and bleeding from the head. The dean and Campus Security are called, the man is examined, found to be only superficially wounded, and helped back to his dorm.
5. That’s one way to handle it.
A student reports that she and her friends were talking in a courtyard and were then yelled at from a window to be quiet. A few minutes later a man armed with a water gun came out shooting at them. Campus Security was called and the assailant was spoken to about his actions.
4. GTA: Pomona
An officer reports a golf cart being driven erratically. At one point, a female fell out of the cart, and ran away. The driver drove the cart up an incline, fled, and the golf cart rolled back down, hitting a car. The driver was apprehended, and had been drinking; the owner of the car chose not to press charges.
3. “Touch my three-and-a-half inch floppy.”
An officer on surveillance caught two students on camera groping each other in a computer lab. The officer responded and let the students know that a camera was in the room.
2. COCK FIGHT!!!!!!!!!
An anonymous student reports two males outside of a dorm engaged in penis fencing. Officers respond, but find no one.
1. Drunks can be quick and clever when they need be.
An RA reports a confiscated keg and requires assistance storing it. Officers arrive and the RA reports that students took the keg back while she was not looking and she no longer knows where it is.