Making lists is hard. I started to make a list of 47 things I was thankful for about Pomona’s sports culture. I love sports, but I got to 18 and I was stumped. So for now, I’m calling this Parts 1-18 of the 47-part series, “Things That Sagehen Sports Fans Love.”1. The SunSure, it sustains all life on earth, but the sun is a pretty big deal for sports, too. Since it’s always sunny in Claremont, our outdoor sports teams enjoy good conditions for practice and games. That means the quality of the games is better, and watching teams play is just another excuse to go hang out in the sun and get your tan on.2. ESPN360The TVs in the Coop are brand-new big-screen HD models, but all they do is repeat text announcements. Walker Lounge has cable, but the TV dates back to the Reagan Administration. All of this is fine, however, because of online broadcasters like ESPN360. Thanks to them, you can watch almost any sporting event online in HD. This is a Pandora’s Box for every true sports fan that can (and will) destroy your GPA.3. Ducey GymnasiumWhen it comes to sports, CMS doesn’t do much right. But even as an opposing fan, I can appreciate the electric atmosphere in their gym. Ducey hasn’t been expanded since it was built (in approximately 1932), so the place can only hold about 1200 people. As a result, it’s packed and noisy for every P-P/CMS contest. If only their fans weren’t insufferable a—hats who offend all of my senses simultaneously, watching a game there might actually be a pleasant experience.4. CMSIn the annals of sports rivalries, there’s Red Sox/Yankees, there’s Army/Navy, and then there’s P-P/CMS. And when it comes to giving us something to hate, CMS doesn’t disappoint. I can interact with CMC kids most of the time, but at game time they transform into subhuman pieces of filth. Sometimes, I think about being a good sport about the rivalry, but then I remember that CMS kids don’t even merit Geneva Convention rights. This is good, because if CMS wasn’t filled to the brim with insufferableness then we wouldn’t get any kind of satisfaction from beating them.5. The Sig Tau Dodgeball TournamentThrowing a dodgeball at someone’s face is everybody’s guilty pleasure, yet for some reason it is considered unacceptable in normal interactions. Luckily, the brothers of Sigma Tau unleash everyone’s animal spirits with their annual dodgeball tournament. The ridiculous costumes, the over-the-top smack talk, and the teams that are actually really good at throwing things (mainly the baseball and water polo players) guarantee that hilarity ensues year in and year out.6. Beer-Related Athletic EventsAlthough security protocol dictates that specific events cannot be named here, let me just say that testing the limits of complicated motor skills like running a mile, kicking a soccer ball, or hitting a baseball without complete coordination is always entertaining for participants and spectators alike.7. Really Obscure But Competitive TeamsPomona may not have a D-1 football program, but we’re great at ballroom dancing. Our women’s rugby team goes to nationals all the time. The Braineaters ultimate Frisbee team is world-class. One of the coolest things about the 5-Cs is randomly meeting people who are ridiculously talented at what they do, and that applies to little-known sports as well.8. L.A. BandwagonsWant to start rooting for the Lakers in the middle of the NBA Finals? L.A. is the best city to hop on a bandwagon come playoff time. I would say that approximately 2/3 of Angels fans are bandwagon-jumpers who pull their Guerrero jerseys out of the closet right before the ALDS every year (just in time to lose to the Red Sox). But this is really a good thing, because if your home sports team is terrible, you can always “adopt” one of L.A.’s during the school year.9. CentSports.comI’m a poor college student who also likes the thrill of gambling. Sometimes, I just have to dabble. How, you ask? Centsports.com. It lets you place bets on real games just like in Vegas, only with small amounts that you get in exchange for viewing some ads. This website has single-handedly made the NBA interesting for me; it can work wonders for you too.10. Vegas, Baby. VegasAnd in case CentSports ever gets boring, the real deal is just three and a half hours away. 11. Marston QuadMarston is one of the most versatile spaces at Pomona. It’s used for freshman orientation, graduation, and most everything in between. Sports-wise, it’s a haven for pick-up soccer, football, Frisbee, and even stuff like slacklining.12. Intramural Team NamesLast week, I played a soccer game against a team named “Dyslexia Untied.” Last year, I played on a team named “Off Constantly” (no one could beat us). IM sports are awesome, but you can get as much fun out of reading the schedule as actually playing the games.13. Wednesday Night Glow BowlingBowling is fun; bowling at night with neon lights and a cheesy pop soundtrack is one of mankind’s greatest inventions. Or, at the least, it’s better than Pub.14. Awesome PE ClassesWe have classes in Floor Hockey, Playground Games, Sailing, and SCUBA diving, just to name a few.15. The Baseball FieldThere is nothing more pleasant than watching baseball on a sunny Saturday, especially when it’s played on a tropical oasis. It’s so picturesque that every time I see it, I expect to hear that voice from “Field of Dreams” whispering, “If you build it, they will come.”16. Kenny MayneWatching this man read highlights is like watching Picasso paint, if Picasso butchered the English language on a regular basis and made everyone in the SportsCenter studio a little uncomfortable. Kenny Mayne keeps you on the edge of your seat simply because you never know what he will utter next. And don’t get me started on the sublime brilliance that is “Mayne Street.” As of right now, I’m starting the rumor that he went to Pomona for a year in order to include him in this article.17. Kirk The TrainerNot only is Kirk a stand-up guy who keeps our star athletes healthy and ready to compete, he’s also in the background of a Kanye West music video. In related news, he’s probably our most famous alum.18. Lech KaielLech graduated last year, but he lives on in the memory of every true P-P sports fan. Two of his antics are forever etched in my mind. First, during a timeout in last year’s P-P @ CMS basketball game, he sprinted along the CMS sideline waving giant banners, shirtless and with his chest painted orange and blue. He tried to do it again but got surrounded at halfcourt by what looked like the entire CMS football offensive line. Second, Lech captured one of the most incredible moments in the history of P-P sports—Andrew Stamm’s game-winning goal with two seconds left in overtime at CMS last year—and put it on YouTube (visit tsl.pomona.edu for the link). Lech is operating the camera, but during the whole video he is yelling, and when Stamm scores, Lech starts jumping up and down with the camera, shaking the whole picture. I think all of us can learn something from Lech’s dedication.
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