An Apology To Frary

Hey Frary,

It was really nice running into you the other day. You looked just… great.

Of course, I hadn’t really planned on seeing you. My friend and I were on our way to Collins when suddenly, out of the blue, my friend asked, “Hey, why don’t we go to Frary?” I was floored by the question. Like, what could I say? Why shouldn’t we pay you a visit? I really didn’t have an answer, so we decided to drop by.

As you know, I hadn’t seen you since I sent you that other letter. Wow, Frary, can I just say how sorry I am about that? Ugh, I am so embarrassed! I obviously had no idea what I was saying. “Your desserts are always pudding-based and/or soggy”? You’ve got to be kidding! You know I think you have the best cookie selection around. And I absolutely love your puddings.

Anyway, when I walked inside the other day, I was floored by all the changes you’d made. When did you get that new milk machine? Have those spicy black bean burgers always been there? You brought back Indian food! To top it all off, you made me a shrimp kabob and plated it with a slice of lemon.

Frary, these past few days I’ve felt like a post-Friends Jennifer Aniston. My biological clock has nearly ticked midnight and meanwhile, the man of my dreams is running around the world with super sexy Angelina Jolie, sporting a dirty Neptune-like beard. I just don’t know what to think anymore.

Collins is such a loser, Frary. I don’t know why I left you for that jerk. His coffee tastes like watery vomit. All I’ve ever been to Collins is just another tick in the “Pomona” column.

These past few weeks I’ve felt as empty as the space where Prometheus’ genitals should be. I just didn’t know why until now. Frary, there’s no easy way to say this. I want you back. I want to be inside you and only you. Please accept my apology. I… I love you, Frary.

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