A Game for Night Owls

Nothing requires more mental acuity, physical strength, natural speed, agility and most importantly, stealth, than the nightly (or daily) game of RA-aversion. Escaping the RAs is not an activity for the faint of heart. You must have the uncanny ability to see through walls, or if you are not as superhuman as that, at least the ability to distinguish the dreaded knock of the RA from the spirited rap of a jolly traveler (code knocks, such as bun bun bun buna bun bun, bun-bun! can help). You must be unafraid to lose important personal items, such as shoes, ID or keys, and be capable of running at high speeds without jostling your red cup. You must be able to think of a legitimate pseudonym in a matter of seconds. Avoid overly common or simple names such as Bob Smith or Jack Daniels, celebrity names such as Shakira or Jennifer Lopez, or sexually absurd names such as Alotta Faginah or Captain Cock (my personal favorite). It is best to use the name of a second cousin or someone you dislike. However, there are times when we all lose the ability to think quickly, or, on nights involving Goldshlager, the ability to speak. In these cases, you must run.

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