OA Exclusions May Not Be Evil, But They Still Disappoint

It seems a bit ridiculous to write vitriolically against an evil administration that, as many of the rational commentators on Trabajadores Por Justicia emphasize, isn’t actually evil. There is a part of us all, I think, that would love to be given a reason for which to sacrifice our hearts and souls and clean arrest records—to sit down en masse around that malicious Berkeley police car and know that the whole world is watching, watching because we are righteous and the police car, college administration, government, and powerful white men are not.

Problem is, we’re sort of in paradise here, and rarely does anything ever go very bad at all for most of us. (Ok, I lost a J. Crew maroon V-neck last Saturday night while swimming; my life has been depressingly average ever since.) Nevertheless, I can’t help it—there is a less-than-earth-shattering problem caused by this college’s administration (who shall herein be referred to as “The Man”), and therefore I am going to proceed to bludgeon the pretty face right off of The Man, using incisive wit and an obnoxious vocabulary instead of a spiked war hammer. Disclaimer finished.

“OA Selection Proves Strict on Disciplinary History,” an article by Nina Nirema in last week’s TSL, contends that between 14 and 15 OA leader applicants were banned from OA selection after being chosen by the OA Leader Selection Committee, and therefore these 14-15 OA leaders will never be selected after all. Somewhere between some and all of the students are being de-selected due to “past disciplinary conduct including alcohol violations.”

Let’s not even start with the murky undisclosed details (i.e., who actually made this decision and why?) or the list of really good OA leaders that won’t be leading OAs. Another disclaimer: I think some of my friends were on the “banned” list, but I don’t really know, since the list is kept in The Man’s locked cave right next to all of the bongs they confiscate. No, I’ll skip my long-winded formalities and cut to the pink of the filet, if you will.

When I was a prospie, I read all of the college newspapers that I could get my hands on. Even now, I occasionally browse the interwebs in search of the weekly periodicals of other colleges that I didn’t get into (i.e., Duke). Right, I’m a big dork. Moving on, this conclusion is addressed to any similar-minded prospies that might be reading:

Prospies, if you wish to attend a college where your mature, college-aged self will be free to leisurely sip a low-alcohol-content beer in the locked privacy of your own silent room while holding a ping-pong ball in the other hand, and to do this, perhaps just once, while at the same time preserving the right to lead and participate in quintessential collegiate social and outdoor activities — go to CMC or Williams or Harvey Mudd or Pitzer or Duke. But don’t go to Pomona or Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University.

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