Trust me when I say this: You do not want to see me break.
No, I’m not talking about seeing me break down and let the alpha out, but instead seeing me take the opening break shot to start a game of pool. Oftentimes, I’ll strike the triangle of balls totally wrong, stretching out games even longer because they move so little, making future shots harder. Even after the break, my mediocre abilities have the effect of making each pool game feel delightfully challenging.
Because of my lack of finesse, I spend most nights in the Wig Hall lounge playing pool with friends, devoted to improving my skill. On weekends, we often see people leave for parties or socials. When I look up from the pool table, I love seeing the energy and excitement in their eyes as they’re leaving the building — the kind that makes it obvious they’re about to have a night full of dancing, music and laughs. But now and then, I see something slip through: a hint of exhaustion, the weight of conformity seen in a glimpse of tension. All of a sudden, they don’t seem as happy to go out anymore.
But aren’t they supposed to be?
The simple answer is that not everyone enjoys going out. However, college culture places high value on nightlife as the primary way to socialize. Students view partying as a core part of the college experience, yet they don’t see staying in as an equally acceptable way to spend free nights. If anything, they make staying in seem like a sort of problem, often approaching it with pity and negativity. But I’d like to argue that staying in is just as valuable as a night out, if not more.
There is far too much pressure to experience nightlife as a college student, particularly as a first-year. Even calling it out feels controversial, and its prevalence in our social climate is fueled by a largely overlooked factor: the media we consume glorifies partying as the core of the college experience. I can name a few popular shows and movies that do just that: “Pitch Perfect,” “The Sex Lives of College Girls,” “Grown-ish” and “Roommates.” While nightlife is definitely a part of college, popular culture magnifies it to the point where it can feel required and quintessential.
Often, the most exposure first-years have had to the college experience is through media like this, which can give us the preconceived notion that it’s constant ragers. Maybe your favorite fictional character went to a party every weekend, but this doesn’t mean you have to. College offers so much more than nightlife, and treating a night out like a requirement can feel suffocating instead of enjoyable.
The norm that makes nightlife feel obligatory is reinforced through the pressure created by party culture on college campuses. Many college students incorporate party culture into their own social growth, making it a personal goal to go out whenever possible, often landing in uncomfortable settings along the way. In a few conversations with friends who have faced this firsthand, they report that succumbing to pressure made parties fall flat; they realized the group they were with “just wasn’t right,” even when they initially expected a fun time.
Party culture can also open the door to peer pressure. A noted negative influence of peer pressure is its effect on self-image, with students experiencing anxiety, a loss of confidence and low self-esteem that keeps students from staying true to themselves. I constantly hear about students feeling pressured to fit in, and have watched my own friends hesitantly accept a night out after others practically begged them to come. The fear of disappointing others, or even missing out on a chance to get closer to certain people, is enough to change their minds.
There’s an implicit ostracism for those who prefer staying in or taking the weekend off — it is framed as a loss rather than what it is: just another evening plan. Telling others you won’t be attending a party often elicits sad looks and remarks about “missing out” on the fun ahead. When my pool table friends and I recently joked about lacking the “full college experience” for not going out as much as others, I realized there’s a silent but present negative connotation around those who don’t enjoy partying. But as fun as a night out sounds, there is equal value in finding other ways to spend that time.
Consider your health and priorities for the week ahead. If you need more sleep or to relax one weekend, take the opportunity to stay in and get rest. When an open weekend comes along, I can guarantee you I’m spending it sleeping in rather than living it up at the next party. Skipping a night out might also contribute to your self-care. I recently felt the most at peace staying in and doing some light studying with a group of friends in a dim single dorm room. A record player was blasting some Tame Impala, and nice breaks brought on so many laughs that I forgot all about my worries. That kind of relief is a form of healing that a night out just can’t match for me. Whatever that level of calm is for you, try to achieve it in a way that feels most enjoyable.
If you’re feeling up to going out, or your social battery is usually in good condition, then perhaps that is your self-care. If that’s the case, party to your heart’s content — but don’t look down on those who view partying differently. People who just aren’t feeling it should feel that staying in is an equally rewarding choice.
I’m perfectly comfortable sitting in bed, silently writing poetry in my dorm room or spending my evenings in the Wig Hall lounge with my fellow homebodies. Everyone has the right to feel this way too, and they deserve to.
So, although I may be terrible at starting a game of pool, you’ll never see me failing to take a break.
Leilani Fernandez PO ’30 is a staying-in warrior. She aspires to hit a clean break shot someday, preferably before she graduates.
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