With Halloween drawing nearer, I’m sure more than a few of you are scrambling to find costumes. You could go to the Halloween pop-up store in Montclair and purchase an itchy costume titled with an awkward pun, but where’s the originality in that? And really, spending 50 bucks on a poorly-made polyester get-up is not exactly a good financial investment.
Thus, with such little time between now and Halloween, I present to you fashionably-late, fashionable, fashion-related costumes that won’t financially finish you. Try saying that ten times fast. I highly recommend adopting the personalities and attitudes of these colorful characters—it makes things much more fun. And yes, cross-dressing is encouraged.
Anna Wintour, Editor-in-Chief of Vogue
Key Elements: Anna is notorious for her blunt brown haircut, so a bobbed wig is absolutely essential. So are sunglasses because the paparazzi are always after you, and you hate making eye contact with lesser beings. Pair these with a high-waisted, simple dress.
Demeanor: Anna is an ice queen. Feel free to ignore anyone you deem less fashionable than yourself. Make sure you give everyone’s outfit a disapproving once-over.
Catchphrase: “You either know fashion or you don’t.”
Optional: Anna loves fur. Adding some faux fur to your outfit would make your costume more convincing.
Andre Leon Talley, Contributing Editor of Vogue, Former “America’s Next Top Model” Judge
Key Elements: Andre’s signature outfit includes a shirt and tie, but instead of a traditional jacket he dons an oversized caftan. Find one in the craziest print possible, but make sure your shirt and tie match it in some way.
Demeanor: Often stone-faced and model-esque. Crack a smile or two, though; he’s not all business.
Catchphrase: “DRECKITUDE!” Go watch some YouTube videos so you can properly adopt his inflection.
Optional: Big, furry hats and sunglasses. New York is cold and the paparazzi are ruthless. Go with it.
Rachel Zoe, Fashion Stylist to the Stars
Key Elements: Rachel almost always sports a middle part with long, messy blonde waves. Flowing, Boho maxi dresses are her clothing of choice. You must have fabulous shoes.
Demeanor: Rachel is often caught in this half-smile, half opened mouth surprise pose. Google it, practice it, love it.
Catchphrase: When you see something so fabulous it hurts, you say “I die!” Also, describe everything as “bananas.”
Optional: Rachel just had a baby, so bonus points for carrying around a baby doll dressed in a Gucci bomber jacket.
Tim Gunn, “Project Runway” Host
Key Elements: Impeccable pinstripe suit, swept back silver hair, and clear-framed glasses. Basically, look ridiculously sharp.
Demeanor: Act disapproving about everyone’s costume designs. Make sure you suggest improvements. Also, Tim is a big fan of the closed mouth smile.
Catchphrase: “Make it work.” Count how many times you can subtly work this into conversation during the night.
Optional: Carry around safety pins and a measuring tape. Alter people’s costumes as you see fit. You are the authority on fashion design, after all.
Tyra Banks, Model, Diva, “America’s Next Top Model” Producer
Key Elements: Tyra is extremely fond of the jumpsuit, usually in black, but if you want to get crazy, go with electric blue. Also, do everything possible to make your eyes look positively gigantic.
Demeanor: Be loving and motherly to everyone. Offer lots of hugs. Make sure you are the most energetic person in the room.
Catchphrase: Tell everyone they look fierce! Also make sure to yell “SMIZE!” anytime you take or see people taking photographs.
Optional: Suggest everyone pose in the broken-down doll position whenever possible. Make sure to tell people with great costumes “they are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top (insert name of costume here).”