The Disco Stick

I think we all remember the first
time we heard this gem. I was in the car with my mother, who innocently asked me, “What’s a disco stick? Is this one of those things you young people

“Well, it’s not a walking stick you
bring to the dance floor, if that’s what you’re asking,” I replied.

“What?” my mom said.

“Mother, she’s talking about a
penis!” I finally exclaimed impatiently.

“Oh,” was all my mother said. So
just to be sure we are not like my mother when it comes to male genitalia knowledge, I feel
it is about time we have a little chat about penises and testicles.

Penises, like vulvas, come in many
shapes, sizes, colors and even textures. Every penis is different. However,
all penises have both a shaft and a glans. The shaft is the part of the penis
that makes up most of its length. The glans (or head) is located on
the top of the penis. Let me let you in on a little secret: the majority of the
4,000 nerve endings in the penis are located here. Take advantage of this!
There is much pleasure to be gleaned from here. Try out this nifty trick: using
your flat palm, rub the top of your or your partner’s glans. This will elicit a
sensation so powerful, you or your partner may have to stop to take a breather. You can thank me later.

This is
where penis similarities pretty much end, though. Even the glans itself can have
an “optional” covering known as a foreskin, which can be surgically removed
through circumcision. However, the major difference we all tend to be fascinated
with is size. People always get their knickers in a bunch over penis size.
I have three words: GET OVER IT. You are born with what you have – just work
with it. Sexual pleasure is not derived from the size of you or your partner’s
member, it’s what you do with it that matters. Imagine if you or your partner
had a nine-inch schlong but did nothing pleasurable with it. A waste, right? So
stop fretting about length, and just have fun with whatever size joystick you

The penis has two trusty sidekicks:
the testicles. They are located at the base of the penis and are protected by
the scrotum. It is very unfortunate that so many people often forget about the
family jewels when talking about male genitalia, for they are covered in nerve
endings! We all know a kick in the cojones can make Barry White’s baritone
voice turn into the whistles of Mariah Carey. However,
when treated with some TLC, the nerve endings in the scrotum can be your secret
weapon in giving yourself or your partner a toe-curling experience envied even
by porn stars. However, the biological point of the nerve endings
in the scrotum is to protect the immense sperm production going on in the
testicles within. The testicles produce approximately 1,200 sperm with every heartbeat! Do the math and
that’s approximately 5,040,000 flagellated soldiers produced every hour. It’s a
miracle the man berries don’t burst!

Before you
or your partner go about unleashing this flagellated army upon the world, you
have to ensure the barge bringing the soldiers to the front line is clean and
squeaky. Be sure to wash Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz while in the shower with
water and a very mild soap. If uncircumcised, be sure to pull your foreskin
back and wash your glans. Remember to do this every day to avoid the buildup of
smegma. The buildup of excess smegma is a white, cheesy substance with an
unpleasant odor. Remember, the only place where cheese is cute is in your
refrigerator. So please, keep it clean.

Once clean, the penis and
testicles can be the source of great pleasure for you and your partner. Despite
being a notoriously sensitive spot, one can use these nerve endings for all
that is sexy. So saddle up, grab a condom and make Lady Gaga proud.

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