Ask Addison: On college life, unrequited love, and more

 

Graphic by Natalie Bauer

Q: “I’m miserable here. I have friends and I like class and I have a job and I really am trying to have a perfect college experience but I’m incredibly sad and I don’t know how to fix it. Help?”

A: As I was reading your question, the first word that struck me was “perfect.” What is perfect, anyways? Does it exist? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the answer is no, it doesn’t. All you can focus on is what feels good to you, and as you continue on in your college career, that will change, too. Try to think about what’s truly bringing you down. Is it the disappointment of not living up to an ideal college experience, or are there other factors you have the ability to change? Either way, it might help to be appreciative of the fact that you have friends and are enjoying your classes, all while making money. Relish in the now and focus on the great aspects of your existence. Derive your feelings of content from inside you and not from outside factors. Smile, breathe, and enjoy each moment.

Q: “How do you deal with unrequited love? Sigh.”

A: You’ve come to the right place. It’s sad to say, but my history is composed of unrequited love. In those moments it seemed like the end of the world, but now, those times are over and love is abundant in my life. I know it seems difficult, but trust me when I say that this, too, shall pass. Life is beautiful, and far too short, so pull yourself up and make the most out of your everyday experiences by desiring those who desire you. There is no sense in sighing over someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings or in exhausting your emotions wondering why. Live your life and the person who makes you smile will come along when you least expect it. I know that sounds cliche, but I’m living proof that love happens when we least expect it. A few years ago, my then boyfriend cheated on me and got the girl he cheated on me with pregnant. I was left with no place to live and no one to talk to. Through reconnecting with my hobbies, I met the man of my dreams and three years later, we’re still going strong.

Q: “I don’t think about him a lot but I do think about a lot. I keep thinking about him. I’ll do shit and he’ll tell that I’m doing it wrong while doing the same thing. And they’re clearly fucking. I just don’t know what to do.”

A: It sounds to me like you’re obsessing over this guy who is clearly interested in someone else and lives by a double standard. Do I have it right? If so, it’s time to get over it right now. He’s not yours and if the chance comes around later, you better say “no” because leftovers are for the birds. That’s not to mention that because he’s snoozing on you now, he can’t just wake up when it’s convenient for him. Who does he think he is anyways? You are a star so stop feeding his ego and move ON.

Q: “There is a boy I like and he says he likes me too but will never make a move and just seems nervous and says he does not know what to do. What do I do to ease his nerves?”

A: First, kudos to you for expressing yourself to your potential future honey! Guys are way simpler than we often make them out to be. Even though he likes you, he probably has his own issues going on in his head: shyness, lack of confidence, fear of rejection, another crush, who knows, and who has time to figure it out? I’m the type of girl who pursues what I want, so with that in mind, I say you create the time and place for that long-awaited first move to happen. I’m thinking a weekend beach day, a local hike, or a dinner off-campus. It’ll be just you two, some warm feelings, and the prime opportunity. Be fun and flirty and see what happens. Don’t be scared to touch his hand, walk close or give hugs. If nothing happens after this magical day, don’t be disappointed. I would begin to reflect on the situation and see whether it would be better for the two of you to just keep it as friends. You deserve to have what you want and I guarantee you that if he won’t give it to you, eventually you’ll have someone you adore who will.

Ask Addison is an anonymous advice column regarding relationships, college life, and everything in-between. Submit questions to askcolumn@tsl.news.

This article was last updated Nov. 12 at 12:22 a.m to address concerns regarding the first question.

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