She certainly has had a fabulous time ruining everything. On Sun, Feb. 11, the Kansas City Chiefs left hundreds of “I’m from the Bay … like 45 minutes out” 5Cers in shambles after they defeated the San Francisco 49ers in Super Bowl LVIII. Screams echoed across campus (actually just Claremont McKenna College and maybe the occasional Pomona-Pitzer football suite) as the Chiefs scored their championship-winning touchdown in overtime to end the game and secure their second consecutive title. So, how does Miss Americana herself come into play in the humiliation of our favorite SF-proper-wannabe classmates? Well, lucky for you, we’re back to tell you how everything went down.
It all started in the summer air at Arrowhead Stadium, a place that the recently named 14-time Grammy winner has come to know beyond its acoustic range. On July 8, 2023 the kingdom lights shone brighter than ever as the stands were packed with sparkles, friendship bracelets and one hopeful lover during Taylor Swift’s economy-lifting Eras tour.
Since that enchanting July night, Travis Kelce has been all over Taylor like a wine-stained dress she has kept on wearing and the crowds in the stands have certainly gone wild about it. Ever since they just said yes, the prince and princesses’ love story has given them comparable status to American royalty in the months leading up to the big game. But, as any good pop-culture fanatics know, the spotlight starts to burn pretty quickly.
Ever since the two have gone public, Taylor’s regular drop-ins to box seats at Chiefs games have ruffled a few feathers. For some football fans, the queen herself encapsulated their sentiments on Oct. 27, 2023 in “1989 (Taylor’s Version)” when she once again admitted (but this time on her terms) to being a nightmare dressed like a daydream. These NFL fans have not been able to tolerate the painful 25 seconds of screen time that Ms. Swift has so cruelly taken away from their beloved game on their once-sacredly womanless football Sundays. It’s been so bad that many have admitted her presence has haunted them even when she’s not around.
And not around she has been! Luckily for those pitiful viewers, her tour is long-living and she has been around the world and back again while her boo (who never told anyone “don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby”) drinks choco milky and nibbles on chicken fingers to get big and strong before the big scary game. “I don’t have to play big brother again, right Mama Kelce?”
On top of countless disgruntled NFL fans, Swift found herself in the middle of a MAGA conspiracy leading up to the championship. Last year, Kelce became a face of the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccination, which sparked outrage amongst conservative America, even drawing criticism from known anti-vaxxer Aaron Rodgers via the “Pat McAfee Show.” This, coupled with rumors that Swift was gearing up for a Joe Biden endorsement after the Chief’s Super Bowl victory, landed the power couple right in the center of a right-wing meltdown. Good thing carbon emissions don’t exist if you publicly endorse Biden … right?
Public endorsements seem to be a shared interest for the lovebirds as Travis roared “Viva Las Vegas” in an ick-inducing display of testosterone that almost overshadowed his eyebrow-crinkle-worthy scream into his senile coach’s face. But at least he wasn’t as dramatic as Taylor biting her tongue and sipping her drink while getting publicly humiliated at the Golden Globes. Oh my god she’s insane she’s going to write a song about it. Somehow Travis’s screaming stunts were not his most disappointing of the night, as his apparent failure to call her dad and tell her to pick out a white dress left fans with teardrops on their guitars.
In the end, the lesson we’ve learned is the skinny blonde does end up with the football star who will end up winning the game, so all those 2000s rom-coms apparently had it right. So far, she has kept his shirt and he has kept his word and we can’t wait to see where the two go next (or don’t go, in which case another new breakup album would almost certainly secure her 15th Grammy). Either works for us!
Ansley Washburn is a sophomore at Scripps College from Boston, MA. She only cares about Kelce in relation to Taylor Swift and takes pleasure in knowing how much offense some will take at that.
Harold Fuson is a sophomore at Pitzer College from Washington, DC. Now that the NFL season is over, he predicts that the next pop star-athlete romance will feature Dolly Parton and Dodgers’ superstar Shohei Ohtani. It’s a lock.
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