I had hoped that the beginning of my sophomore year would feel more stable than it currently does.
After a summer living on my own in Santa Clara, surrounded by interns from various schools across the country, I missed the niche personalities typical of the 5Cs. The lively and spontaneous political debates between stoners and future politicians alike was missing from my bubble in Silicon Valley. Even pregaming to go to overhyped and empty Thursday Night Clubs (TNCs) was reminisced upon fondly over group FaceTime calls.
I ended my freshman year on a social high point. While I hadn’t yet found a tight-knit circle of friends, I had multiple active group chats buzzing with constant streams of dinner plans and library meet-ups. I was hopeful that sophomore year would be my chance to deepen these already blooming friendships while also forging new bonds. What I didn’t predict was how some of my closest friendships from freshman year would be reduced to awkward superficial conversations, ending in the shaky promises to “grab dinner this week!”
TV shows and movies were my standard for college life. I pictured myself lounging on the beach or gossiping over steaming cups of coffee in the local cafe with my group of eclectic best friends. After college we would be each other’s bridesmaids, posting pictures on Facebook captioned “#sistersforever.” Instagram would showcase all of the friendship highs: ski trips to Big Bear, spring break parties in Cabo, summer vacation in Nantucket. There is so much societal pressure to find your lifelong friends in college, ideally in a way that is picturesque enough to post.
Realistically, your most valuable friendships will be made all throughout your life and in ways you would never expect. Maybe your coworker at your new job fresh from undergrad becomes your closest confidant, or it might be the barista who makes your coffee every morning and actually spells your name right.
While I am disappointed by the loss of a few of my freshman year friends, I continue to push forward and immerse myself in new relationships. College is a time of change, and it’s only natural for your friends to evolve along with you. People so often grow apart, and you will be left with more time spent in the company of your own thoughts than with other people’s. Remember that being alone is an opportunity to mature and find yourself.
As I continue to grow into the person that I want to be, I find that I prefer time alone more and more. At the start of college, alone time scared me. I thought that if I wasn’t surrounded by the revolving chatter of my friends, I was somehow approaching college wrong. I couldn’t even do laundry for the first month of school without begging my roommates to come down to the laundry room with me.
In reality, all I was doing was pushing myself further away from personal improvement. To combat this, I began forcing myself to do things alone. I put my AirPods in and walked into the village everyday to grab a coffee. These coffee runs are now a favorite part of my daily routine — an empowering way to spend time with my thoughts and become more comfortable with myself.
“College is four years out of a lifetime that you spend with yourself.”
As my relationship with myself evolves, I am certain that my friendships will inevitably shift as well. Many will stay with me throughout college, maybe a couple for the rest of my life, but most will come and go.
Knowing when to let people into your life and let them go is one of the biggest lessons of freshman year. Whether you find your best friends in college or not, don’t ever let yourself believe that you are unworthy of finding genuine connections.
My point is that college is tumultuous. You will experience some of the biggest highs of your life, but also many of the worst lows. Whether you already have a circle of close friends or are just starting to come out of your shell, there is no “right picture” for what a social life in college should look like.
College is four years out of a lifetime that you spend with yourself. Get to know others and forge unforgettable bonds, but make sure that the friend you prioritize the most is you.
Norah Mannle CM ’27 hails from the suburbs of Washington DC. In her free time she enjoys long walks, trying exciting new coffee shops and skiing.
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