OPINION: Stop Choking People Without Asking

CW: The following article makes frequent references to choking, strangulation and sexual violence

We have an epidemic on our campuses: non-consensual strangulation. Many of us know that this occurs across the 5Cs but think of it as a commonplace occurrence rather than a dangerous activity that poses both physical and mental health risks. As a Scripps Advocate, Peer Health Educator and Teal Dot Bystander Intervention Trainer deeply invested in our community’s public health, I hope that we can increase discussion around the topic and promote a stronger culture of consent on our campuses.

Why did I start off using the term strangulation rather than the more colloquial “choking”? Technically, choking refers to the act of internal asphyxiation, like when food gets stuck in your throat. However, the act we commonly refer to as choking, external pressure applied to the neck with a limb or object, is really strangulation. I will use the term choking throughout the article as that’s the terminology we usually use, but I wanted to offer a reminder about the severity of the act. Being strangled without your consent sounds a lot scarier than being choked without consent and we need to forefront those feelings of fear.

What complicates the issue is that many instances of non-consensual strangulation occur within an otherwise consensual encounter, so many feel like they can’t make a big deal about it. In an age where many get their sex education from increasingly violent porn, such incidents can feel expected. It’s not surprising that one would just go with the flow because refusing can come with awkwardness. In addition, the body’s natural fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses make it hard to act in an unexpected and frightening situation. And sometimes, partners just don’t listen to verbal or non-verbal cues.

Choking during sexual activity has become normalized by social media, TV and porn, and its appeal lies in the euphoria created by minor oxygen deprivation. Yet, research shows choking decreases blood and oxygen flow to the brain, and even minimal force can cause brain damage. You do not need to lose consciousness to experience a brain injury. The return of oxygen and blood can also damage tissues due to inflammation and oxidative stress .

The topic has not been sufficiently studied, but experts agree that it is a high-risk activity. Prominent researcher Debby Hebernick notes that choking did not become common until recently and was even controversial in the BDSM community as it’s the leading cause of death in BDSM encounters.

I’m not here to argue against choking during consensual sex — you can do your own research and decide how you feel about its inherent risks. The issue is that many are not given the chance to say no. While I have outlined a few negative health effects of choking in general, non-consensual choking comes with an even greater litany of scary outcomes because force and duration are not pre-negotiated. Such a traumatic event can also cause mental problems like PTSD and depression. Individuals who are choked, consensually or not, report worse mental health than their peers.

I want to underscore how scary unexpected strangulation is, whether experiencing loss of oxygen or not. A vulnerable part of your body is restricted. You know that with a little force, you could be seriously injured, or killed. How will you say no or fight back if you can’t breathe?

It’s also crucial to note the gendered aspect of the issue as women comprise more than 49 percent, if not more, of the population at each of the five colleges. Among a study of undergraduate college women at Indiana University, 58 percent of sexually active undergraduate women report having been choked at least once, with almost one-third reporting being choked the last time they had oral, anal, or vaginal sex. Only 8 percent of undergraduate men were choked during their last sexual experience.

In another study, women, nonbinary and transgender individuals reported being choked with more force than men who reported being choked. About a quarter of the women in the study reported that they had been choked non-consensually in their lifetimes. Based on stories I have heard around the Claremont Colleges, I think that number could be significantly higher.

As author Peggy Orenstein notes in her great New York Time op-ed, the dynamics of casual sex favor men’s pleasure in heterosexual hookups. Why do women only find themselves in submissive and painful situations? Choking is inherently a gendered, violent act of power. It’s an act that shouldn’t be done without trust and without consent.

As we all hopefully know, “non-consensual” doesn’t just mean an activity that proceeds even after someone has said “no.” The absence of a yes is a no. Just because your partner didn’t say no doesn’t mean you have their consent. Silence is not consent. There are many ways to give and obtain consent in a natural way, whether with words or clear signals. I personally find it hard to imagine the appeal of sexual activity with a silent or unreactive partner. A “how does this feel?” can go a long way for everyone’s pleasure.

We tend to think about sexual misconduct as limited to non-consensual penetrative sex, which is absolutely not the case. The Claremont Colleges have comprehensive policies that prohibit all interpersonal violence. Depending on the circumstances, unwanted strangulation could be considered assault, domestic violence or sexual misconduct if it’s performed during a sexual act. It can also be seen as use of force if done while engaging in other non-consensual sexual conduct.f it’s done during a sexual assault/rape, that would be considered a form of aggravated force that the individual used engage in the sexual assault. While all acts need to be consensual, the bar for choking must be higher. Rather than relying on bodily signals, an audible “yes” really needs to be obtained for an act that carries this many risks.

Whether or not you get into trouble because you choked someone who didn’t want to be choked is besides the point. It’s immoral and probably didn’t lead to the best sexual experience. If this isn’t resonating with you, consider that, whether consensual or not, if something bad accidentally happens due to choking, you will likely be considered liable in court. In the environment of college hookup culture, you may not know medical information about your partner that could make unintended consequences more likely.

So here is my plea to the Claremont community: please start asking people if they want to be choked! Communicate with your partner! It will be better for everyone, I promise.

Miriam Akhmetshin SC ’26 is a junior at Scripps College studying Economics and Art History.

RESOURCES AT THE 5Cs:

The EmPOWER Center