I spent the last two columns laying out all of the lessons that I recently learned about attraction and relationships. First, that distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, it makes the heart grow delusional. And second, that you should, no matter what, try not to shit where you eat. I learned both of these lessons the hard way, and these are both conclusions that I stand by wholeheartedly — or at least I did.
I thought I had finally cracked the code. I came out of these experiences with insights, newfound maturity and confidence. Now, I was ready to share all of my revelations with the world.
That was until I found myself going against my own words.
I have a crush. A non-puppy-love crush that makes me giggle and kick my feet when I think about him. We’ll call him Emile. And unlike the ghost of my first column, the person I only liked when not around them, I enjoy every second I spend with this crush. We’ll talk for ages, watch TV together and stay up until the depths of night doing the weekly TSL crossword puzzle. I was 100 percent sure the feeling was mutual.
Then, disaster struck. I asked a mutual friend of ours to ask Emile what he thought about me (romantically). He then proceeds to laugh and respond with, “Oh hell nahhhh. She’s homie.”
The friend zone, or should I say, the homie zone, gets a reputation for being the worst-case scenario. By that standard, I am in the worst-case scenario. My hopes of a romance with Emile have just been stomped on, and now it’s time to emotionally detach while I still have my dignity.
However, I’m not sure if the credits have rolled on our romance, or if this is just the intermission. I’ll admit, “she’s homie” isn’t exactly the most romantic term of endearment I’ve ever heard, but isn’t homie-status somewhat foundational for developing a solid romantic relationship?
If we already have a connection built on laughter, comfort and friendship, isn’t that a better starting point than sliding up on one of my stories with three see-no-evil monkey emojis? Maybe this is the perfect start to my ultimate friends-to-lovers pipeline? Or maybe I’m just searching for silver linings to soften the blow to my ego?
“I thought I had finally cracked the code. I came out of these experiences with insights, newfound maturity and confidence. Now, I was ready to share all of my revelations with the world.“
This whole situation made me feel silly. I was so sure that I would stand by what I said in my first column. But now, not long after publishing my thoughts to the public, I’m going back on what I said. Not only that, I’m going back on my word for a guy who thinks I’m homie!
After sitting with my embarrassment for a while, I do still believe in what I said, only in theory. But putting your belief into practice is a lot harder. Keeping that in mind, I have a conclusion, one a bit more universal than my last two. Here it is … Do NOT take anything I say to heart.
You can read as many self-help books as you want, watch all the YouTube essays, listen to all the podcasts, but none of that matters. Because life, and especially love, is not one size fits all. I know firsthand that the heart does not work in the same way the mind does. The mind internalizes romantic cultural norms: the talking stage, the three-month rule … the friend zone. The heart, however, sees someone call you homie and thinks it’s just a hurdle to overcome.
Using my heart and mind, I say there are no set rules. There are only stories and tales of past experiences that can help guide us in making decisions. But not everyone’s past experiences are applicable to your own. Sometimes you don’t take advice, and that’s okay.
I was extremely hesitant to write about this experience. Maybe I’m delusional. Maybe I have a chance. Maybe I’ll look back at this column in a year and bash my head against the wall. But for now, I’m ignoring the rules. Because what’s life without a little risk?
Tom Cat will (hopefully) have lots more to share with you all next semester! I am Plotting and Scheming!!!
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