Dating at the Claremont Colleges can bring some of the sweetest highs and most bitter lows. Maybe you remember an awkward run-in with your RA as you were making out with someone on a bench, or the time you aced a midterm while your significant other bombed it, or even the first, second or millionth time you shared a lunch with someone special on a quiet afternoon.
There’s a lot that’s unique about Claremont dating, whether it be the infamous “team-cest,” or god forbid, the “suite-cest,” constantly running into your ex, getting involved in everyone else’s business or everyone else getting involved in yours.
The one thing that unites Claremont lovers is the backdrop behind these connections. Among the most beloved dating spots at the 5Cs are the places we eat, whether it be the Claremont Village, or controversially, the dining halls.
In any discussion about the Claremont dating scene, opinions on dates in dining halls are quick to surface. Seeing two students in the dining hall together, sitting at a table meant for five with their food ignored in favor of each other’s company, elicits a variety of reactions — but most commonly, scorn.
Will Hammond PZ ‘28 and and Skye Fernsler PZ ‘28 agreed that a date in a dining hall is too public and shows “a lack of effort.”
“I would never call going to the dining hall a ‘date,’” Hammond said. “I don’t think I associate with that at all.”
Why not go for a date in town, then? Hammond felt that dates at restaurants, though still public, were far superior to dining halls.
“Just going into the Village is sufficient,” Fernsler said.
The allure of dates in the Village is obvious. You’re not going to see the professor whose class you skipped, and your choice of location speaks for itself. Some view it as the only viable location for dates. A look at the back patio of Kazama Sushi will show you as much.
However, not everyone sees the Village this way. The most common complaint leveled at 5C dating is the familiarity of the tight-knit student body.
For Arlen Alexander PZ ’25, this familiarity lessens the Village’s appeal.
“You walk into a dining hall, you see two people, you think they are probably on a date or whatever; I feel like that’s the same,” Alexander said. “If I see in a restaurant that two people are sitting across from each other and they look like they are on a date, I feel like I’m giving them the same amount of scrutiny.”
Instead, Alexander chooses to look at what you gain from going on a date in a dining hall rather than what you lose.
“I think it’s cute if they go to a dining hall on a first date. I mean, I’ve done that,” Alexander said. “It’s a nice safe way to do it. It seems less nerve wracking than sitting down in a restaurant in the village. More casual. We’re seeing if we like each other.”
For Alexander, dates should distill connection. He sees traditional dates in the Village, which are addled by expectations around chivalry, convention and dress, as a convolution of the purity of the dining hall date.
“It’s like, ‘who pays for the meal’… I don’t like that there are rigid rules around it. It feels performative to me to take someone to a fancy dinner,” Alexander said.
Although not everyone agrees about what constitutes a good date, Hammond, Fernsler and Alexander agreed it was about effort.
“A good way to get a pulse on any sort of relationship is … how prioritized it is in your time, in your schedule,” commented Hammond.
For Hammond and Fernsler, any date can count, even if it’s in a dining hall — it’s all about intentionality.
Like most college students, those at the 5Cs are by and large busy, strapped for cash and overstressed. It’s not always feasible to splash out, take a risk and go into town. At the same time, the effort it takes to do so may make the occasion more significant. The next time your pockets are hurting, and finals are closing in, don’t be ashamed of spending time together at Frary. At the same time, Bardot doesn’t have to be relegated to Parents’ Weekend. So long as your heart is in the right place, your connection will drown out the noise, whether that is coming from peers complaining about their next exam or the server musing about wine pairings.
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