It’s a bittersweet feeling when a close friend enters a new relationship.
Suddenly, you find yourself mourning all the free time you used to spend with them and the plans you make with them become less and less frequent — or more and more turn into dates (with you as the third wheel).
In romantic relationships, time with one’s partner becomes misplaced and is often prioritized over spending time with friends and family.
Our culture has encouraged the idea that a romantic relationship is a stronger, more essential bond that triumphs over all others. It’s the ultimate goal. Popular media is filled with songs, movies and books that portray romantic relationships as the key to a fulfilling life.
Although romantic love can be a powerful and fulfilling experience, I don’t agree that romantic love is inherently stronger or more important than the other types of relationships in one’s life.
Why is a romantic relationship always the priority? And why shouldn’t it be?
Ownership and belonging are intrinsic to the standard monogamous romantic relationship. In these relationships, one person figuratively belongs to another. The feeling of being exceptional in another’s eyes is exhilarating. The idea of singular belonging is what prompts the general consensus that romantic love is more important than other relationships — because it’s exclusive. In return, the other friendships in one’s life lose significance.
This exclusive, singular view of romantic relationships has run its course. For help, we need to turn to non-monogamous relationships — and see if the lessons extracted from them can be applied to monogamous ones.
In non-monogamous relationships, emphasis is placed on balancing one’s relationships with their multiple partners. Because more individuals are involved in these relationships, there is a greater need for constant communication and setting boundaries.
Similarly, those in monogamous relationships should balance their time and emotional energy across the different relationships in their lives.
When someone prioritizes their relationship with another person above everyone else, they run the risk of minimizing vital parts of their identity. People are influenced by their multitude of relationships and are defined by their unique roles in the lives of others. This is what shapes us into complex individuals. If these relationships are neglected, one can end up overly reliant on a singular person to validate them or give meaning to their life.
This mindset ultimately prevents individuals from spending time with other individuals that enable them to progress in different aspects of life.
It’s essential to view yourself as an individual first and foremost rather than as a partner. Your ability to function independently from your partner depends on how secure you are with yourself.
If you require a romantic partner to give meaning to your life, you will continue to find yourself in imbalanced relationships and continue to define yourself solely through your partner.
Instead of expecting a single person to bring us the most happiness, it’s far better to reap the benefits of relationships that honor every facet of ourselves — because we don’t deserve anything less.
Anjali Suva PO ’27 is from Orange County, California. She loves watching horror films, reading fantasy books and abusing em-dashes in her articles.
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